Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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