im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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