and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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