Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
