So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My ATM looks so different sober.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
