Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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