you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
