During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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