I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
