Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
