the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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