its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
