if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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