I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
