He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
