In the future we'll all be gay
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Couch. On fire.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
