I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
