i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
