Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
