God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
