woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This baby is an asshole
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
