I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
