i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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