i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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