Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
