She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
