My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
