it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
