I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
