where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
