I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
