im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
