No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
