i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
