dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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