Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
