Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
