I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
