she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
