operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
