I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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