fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
