I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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