can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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