weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
