oh god the rape fog is back!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
