Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just pee around me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
