Can Purell be used as lube?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
