Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
