i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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