I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
