she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
