Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
