jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sick fucks of a feather flock together
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
