I can tuck mytits in my pants
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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