there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
