dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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